Resistance Is Futile. Now that you’ve been assimilated and you know how to use the twitterborg in just about every way imaginable. Let’s talk about the fun things you can do with the twitter. I think I’ll call it “the twitter” from now one…kind of like “the wife” since it wastes so much time talking about nothing.
Disclaimer: I don’t condone any of these activities, even if I do them. Play at your own risk. If you don’t want people to see what you write, don’t write it. Duh.
Debauchery: A wild gathering involving excessive drinking and promiscuity
There is some actual debauchery that goes on in the twitterborg. One of the few people banned and reinstated by the twitter police (apparently due to so many people blocking him) is a fellow that goes by the handle FoulBastard. He brought the boobies of twitter to Fouly’s Angels.
Another fringe twitter personalitly is alphabitch. She know how to bring the noise.
What other fun trouble can we get into? Here are some ideas.
* Spy on your significant other. My significant other is now following me so she’s discovered I’m infatuated with Sugarrae. See how useful the twitterborg is? (Go and follow her, she’s complaining that no one talks to her).
* Spy on your ex-significant other. I’m not sure what the law actually says, but let’s pretend for a minute this doesn’t fall under the definition of stalking.
* Spy on your employees. This is probably not very ethical, but then again neither am I.
* Lock your profile so you can talk shit about your boss or whomever the hell you want to talk shit about. You can even use curse words.
* Flirt with strangers. Find the hottest avatars and hit on them. Beware of the backlash this may cause. Also beware of some of them being dudes. Did I mention I have a crush on Sarah East? I AM NOT A STALKER!
* Spy on your enemies. Enough said.
Douchebaggary: Implies the act of engaging in douchebag related activities, acting in accordance with douchebag law, or acting as an accomplice to a person who is widely held to engage regularly in douchebag related activities. When used in this context, the word is often pronounced in an accent similar to that of Sean Connery.
There is also some douchebags on twitter that can get really annoying. So don’t be a douchebag. (I don’t really have anything against Scoble, he’s just an easy target.)
Also, you can follow iJustine, just don’t pretend like you’re friends with her and don’t be surprised when she calls the cops when you show up at her house or something.
Drunkenness: The state of being intoxicated by consumption of alcohol to a degree that mental and physical faculties are noticeably impaired.
BEWARE OF THE DRUNKEN TWITTER! You can say some really idiotic things that may seem inappropriate the next day. It’s like the drunk dial forever implanted on the interwebs. Also when you’re drunk, people can record your drunken falling down ambulance rides.
Twit: A British slang word for an insignificant, foolish or annoying person. The kind of person that makes a retarded chimp look smart.
You are now a twit. There are many useful and sneaky ways to use the twitter and in my opinion it’s the best social network out there at the moment. The items listed above don’t fall in that category. They fall in the “I’m a nutball category”.
If you for some reason got here first, well you’re a fucktard and you should have read these first. It’s a twitter orgy. I hope you don’t need me to define orgy….cause I will. By the way, I did wrrite the enddd of thisss postt a litttle durnekdn. Sweeeeet. The End.
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