Google Banned My Refrigerator!

by TheMadHat on January 7, 2008

I got home this evening and was shocked to see a big empty space where my refrigerator once stood. Google has punished me once again and banned my refrigerator. I just can’t catch any breaks at all. I wasn’t doing anything shady with my refrigerator. All my inbound grocery items were naturally grown using organic products. I only paid for a few editorially tasted snack products. I did not have any stuffing, as that was outlawed back in the 90′s and Thanksgiving has never been the same.

I don’t keep any Viagra or poker chips inside this completely white refrigerator. I just didn’t know what the hell was happening! To illustrate, here is a closeup of my refrigerator prior to the ban:

White Hat Refrigerator

Evil SpammerSo I started digging around in the pictures of my ranking reports grocery lists that I keep and much to my surprise I found something stuck way down on the bottom shelf. Upon further inspection, I realized that some food items that were placed there by my refrigeration optimizer that I had no idea about. See for yourselves:

What shall I do??? Matt, is there somewhere I can file a refrigerator reinclusion request? Please…I beg of you. I had no idea those shady grocers were putting those items in there. They were stuck behind the giant balls of lettuce and pickled monkey balls!

If all this fails, (which it usually does when it comes to refrigerator reinclusion requests) I guess I’ll have to get The King of Poker Dan Perry to save the day! Then I’ll send under the radar organically grown food to my friends Tamar The Schwag Addict, Best SEO Blog Barry, and Mr Small Business SEM McGee on a frequent basis.

I don’t know how much longer I can make it without a refrigerator guys!!!!

*** UPDATE: I realized in my restless sleep that I didn’t actually outline my plan for what I do when I win the Google refrigerator. First, I’ll internally categorize all my food groups to insure proper FoodRank flow. I will post a map of what and where each item of food is so all my drunken friends will know where to look, and to make sure no SPAM shows up again. I won’t hire “Refrigerator Power” to optimize anymore. Finally, I’ll pop open a nice cold beer to toast all my friends on the interwebs!

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{ 24 comments }

Brian Chappell January 7, 2008 at 8:29 pm

lol.

Jon Henshaw January 8, 2008 at 8:07 am

Did you actually take the time to take those pictures. If you did, that’s hilarious just in itself.

TheMadHat January 8, 2008 at 10:30 am

:) No, I was in my office…besides, I don’t really have any SPAM laying around. I might have a little spam laying around though…

Holly January 8, 2008 at 3:51 pm

Oooh, the competition is tough! (I refuse to concede, though; I want that fridge.) Good luck, though. Maybe the best entry win. ;)

Eric Badgley January 9, 2008 at 1:33 am

Thats funny, I wonder if Matt Cutts will let you back in!

Alphane Moon January 9, 2008 at 7:08 am

This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time, thanks!
:)
Good luck for the refrigerator re-inclusion request.

TheMadHat January 9, 2008 at 7:56 am

Thanks for the comments guys! I’ll have a beer for each of you when I win :D

Operating Agreement January 9, 2008 at 10:29 am

Is that really your fridge? If so, I have to confess the box of wine in the upper left hand corner makes me giggle!
Now I thought spam did not need refrigerated? Are you sure your cabinets are not banned as well?

TheMadHat January 9, 2008 at 10:53 am

Hey…box wine makes good sangria :)

My cabinets are on the same class C so I bet they’re next!

Arizona Vacation Rental January 9, 2008 at 1:11 pm

im gonna hold you to that beer when you win! :D

Tevin Anderson January 9, 2008 at 11:20 pm

Bwhahahah! That’s great.

You could start Googlebannedmyfridge.com

Like John Cow started googlestolemymoney.com

just a thought :D

kexbrown January 10, 2008 at 8:34 pm

Since I am one of those whiners that have been complaining about Google since my site rank went to zero, I was rolling on the floor laughing when I read this. My wife came upstairs to find out what was so funny. Thanks, you made my day!

TheMadHat January 10, 2008 at 10:34 pm

@Tevin …that’s an excellent idea. I can make a whole series out of it. I might need to reorganize the internal structural contents next time.

@kexbrown Glad to be of assistance :)

Dan Perry January 12, 2008 at 3:35 pm

Thanks for entering, and don’t worry; luck only strikes once at the poker table!

Hawaii SEO January 14, 2008 at 6:53 am

Funny! – This post is going to be hard to beat!

Sarex January 21, 2008 at 1:59 pm

lol :-)

Kenny February 11, 2008 at 6:07 am

Thanks for the post! It’s really an interesting article! And I love your “Spam” photo in the refrigerator.

Webkinz August 2, 2008 at 11:04 am

Hahahahahah, the SPAM in the refrigerator is classic. Thanks for the laughs.

George The Web Designer December 15, 2008 at 3:50 pm

There’s no point loosing any sleep over it. What goes around, comes around. I have had my site banned in Google once but then it’s got reinstalled back. It’s life, Google is not perfect – it sometimes may make mistakes too.

TheMadHat December 15, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Yea, did you think this post was serious?

George The Web Designer December 17, 2008 at 3:57 pm

TheMadHat,
You know, I sort of did. In real life people like to take the p*ss from me for my quality to believe the made-up stories and treat everything very seriously. And now I’ve got caught even on the Internet.
Nevertheless, I stand by my earlier comment. Refrigerator is a private thing on a private property and should work fine no matter how may googles are flying around. Accidents happen, we go to the shop, buy something, bring it home, look more closely and see “spam” written on it. It’s not our fault, the shop is huge and it’s difficult to navigate and check everything. I think that the refrigerator contents counting people should be more open to these sorts of things.

Janeth December 17, 2008 at 4:17 pm

Is there any information on the make and model of the spam?

Daver December 17, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Ill ask you the same thing I asked @evilgreenmonkey – Whats with all the veggies? Why doesnt your fridge look like this? :)

TheMadHat December 17, 2008 at 4:38 pm

Cause that’s my food fridge, not one of my TWO beer fridges. And what’s all that lemonade looking shit in there anyway.

If Google banned my beer fridge, I’d be driving to Mountain View with a 50 caliber sniper rifle.

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