Google Banned My Refrigerator!

Filed under: Google by TheMadHat |
1/07/08 at 8:10 pm

I got home this evening and was shocked to see a big empty space where my refrigerator once stood. Google has punished me once again and banned my refrigerator. I just can’t catch any breaks at all. I wasn’t doing anything shady with my refrigerator. All my inbound grocery items were naturally grown using organic products. I only paid for a few editorially tasted snack products. I did not have any stuffing, as that was outlawed back in the 90’s and Thanksgiving has never been the same.

I don’t keep any Viagra or poker chips inside this completely white refrigerator. I just didn’t know what the hell was happening! To illustrate, here is a closeup of my refrigerator prior to the ban:

White Hat Refrigerator

Evil Spammer So I started digging around in the pictures of my ~~ranking reports~~ grocery lists that I keep and much to my surprise I found something stuck way down on the bottom shelf. Upon further inspection, I realized that some food items that were placed there by my refrigeration optimizer that I had no idea about. See for yourselves:

What shall I do??? Matt, is there somewhere I can file a refrigerator reinclusion request? Please…I beg of you. I had no idea those shady grocers were putting those items in there. They were stuck behind the giant balls of lettuce and pickled monkey balls!

If all this fails, (which it usually does when it comes to refrigerator reinclusion requests) I guess I’ll have to get The King of Poker Dan Perry to save the day! Then I’ll send under the radar organically grown food to my friends Tamar The Schwag Addict, Best SEO Blog Barry, and Mr Small Business SEM McGee on a frequent basis.

I don’t know how much longer I can make it without a refrigerator guys!!!!

*** UPDATE: I realized in my restless sleep that I didn’t actually outline my plan for what I do when I win the Google refrigerator. First, I’ll internally categorize all my food groups to insure proper FoodRank flow. I will post a map of what and where each item of food is so all my drunken friends will know where to look, and to make sure no SPAM shows up again. I won’t hire “Refrigerator Power” to optimize anymore. Finally, I’ll pop open a nice cold beer to toast all my friends on the interwebs!

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19 Comments »

lol.

Comment by Brian Chappell — January 7, 2008 @ 8:29 pm

Did you actually take the time to take those pictures. If you did, that’s hilarious just in itself.

Comment by Jon Henshaw — January 8, 2008 @ 8:07 am

No, I was in my office…besides, I don’t really have any SPAM laying around. I might have a little spam laying around though…

Comment by TheMadHat — January 8, 2008 @ 10:30 am

Oooh, the competition is tough! (I refuse to concede, though; I want that fridge.) Good luck, though. Maybe the best entry win.

Comment by Holly — January 8, 2008 @ 3:51 pm

Thats funny, I wonder if Matt Cutts will let you back in!

Comment by Eric Badgley — January 9, 2008 @ 1:33 am

This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time, thanks!

Good luck for the refrigerator re-inclusion request.

Comment by Alphane Moon — January 9, 2008 @ 7:08 am

Thanks for the comments guys! I’ll have a beer for each of you when I win

Comment by TheMadHat — January 9, 2008 @ 7:56 am

Is that really your fridge? If so, I have to confess the box of wine in the upper left hand corner makes me giggle!
Now I thought spam did not need refrigerated? Are you sure your cabinets are not banned as well?

Comment by Operating Agreement — January 9, 2008 @ 10:29 am

Hey…box wine makes good sangria

My cabinets are on the same class C so I bet they’re next!

Comment by TheMadHat — January 9, 2008 @ 10:53 am

im gonna hold you to that beer when you win!

Comment by Arizona Vacation Rental — January 9, 2008 @ 1:11 pm

Bwhahahah! That’s great.

You could start Googlebannedmyfridge.com

Like John Cow started googlestolemymoney.com

just a thought

Comment by Tevin Anderson — January 9, 2008 @ 11:20 pm

Since I am one of those whiners that have been complaining about Google since my site rank went to zero, I was rolling on the floor laughing when I read this. My wife came upstairs to find out what was so funny. Thanks, you made my day!

Comment by kexbrown — January 10, 2008 @ 8:34 pm

@Tevin …that’s an excellent idea. I can make a whole series out of it. I might need to reorganize the internal structural contents next time.

@kexbrown Glad to be of assistance

Comment by TheMadHat — January 10, 2008 @ 10:34 pm

[…] (for a slapping and a neat seo interview), Lyndoman, Matt, Brendan, Shana, Paul, Tom & Jeff , Aaron, Matt (2) and the many others who’ve shown us some StumbleUpon love the last week. A special […]

Pingback by StumbleUpon Frenzy > What Happens When Your Site Is StumbledUpon? - Hobo SEO UK — January 10, 2008 @ 11:27 pm

Thanks for entering, and don’t worry; luck only strikes once at the poker table!

Comment by Dan Perry — January 12, 2008 @ 3:35 pm

Funny! - This post is going to be hard to beat!

Comment by Hawaii SEO — January 14, 2008 @ 6:53 am

lol

Comment by Sarex — January 21, 2008 @ 1:59 pm

Thanks for the post! It’s really an interesting article! And I love your “Spam” photo in the refrigerator.

Comment by Kenny — February 11, 2008 @ 6:07 am